Martha RhodesHello to the Dog
The wife says hello to the dog. Hello dog. Hello dog. Hello dog. That there is no dog no longer worries him. He's hungry. I'm hungry dammit. Here you go dears, says Nurse Bridie, tucking nappies under their chins. She's useless, he grumps. My useless wife Nan. But so beautiful! No one liked her. She was Uppity. A Blue Blood. A Cohen! Now now, Mr. R., says Bridie. Don't be so harsh on your poor wife. Just eat your lunch, dear. I AM NOT A DEER. I'm a nasty boy a nasty boy who soils my pants soils my pants soils my pants a nasty boy who soils my pants so early in the morning. On purpose so you can soil your daughter-of-a- potato farmer hands! Bad boy. Little baby boy I am. Stinker boy. Son of a bitch. Wipe me! Today is my birthday and I'm Numbah One Bar Mitzvah Boy. My name is Silly Willy it's 1942! I'm a 27-year-old Jew boy with flat feet and I'm the Mystic River Bridge Guard. I'm a Boston Brahmin with a Yiddish accent. I'm every mammella's dream of a son-in-law. I knock em up good. I join the Foreign Legion and run to Russia. Got a schwartze son I dumped in the Charles. Next I meet Nanny in Florida, then Peggy in Pennsyltucky and we do the mambo jambo all the way to the hotelsky. We go to Nantasket! Nanny, the waves! Andy's a dandy and he loves the sandy. Beach and a blanket, two bits! Lots of tits! Lottsa frozen custard and clam chowdah! O past alas! Got an uncle named Dunkle who stole my kitty. He came to my house and stole my pretty kitty. A professional cat thief. Son of a bitch. I'm off to shul on my Bar Mitzvah Day to rack up the dough and roll in the hay. Got a girl named Nan waiting in Miami. Got a girl's all mine. She's a rich kid from Chelsea by the Sea. Daughter of a baker. A donut maker. Look at her now! Hello to the dog. Bow wow! Bow wow!
Martha Rhodes is the author of two poetry collections: Perfect Disappearance (winner of the 2000 Green Rose Prize from New Issues Press), and At the Gate (Provincetown Arts Press, 1995). Her poems have appeared in many journals, including Agni, Fence, Marlboro Review, Ploughshares, and TriQuarterly. She teaches at The Warren Wilson College MFA Program for Writers, and New School University. She is a Founding Editor and the Director of Four Way Books.
